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Every culture has its Apocalypse Myth. The Vikings had Ragnarok, the Christians have Armageddon. We in America have the possible Four to Eight More Years of Republican Idiocy....and don't forget ol' George W. still has many months of suicidally reckless brinkmanship to go!
In thoughtful, reflective moments, I enjoy wandering the woods, Bigfoot-style, pondering the implications of global warfare and complete economic collapse. I imagine myself building elaborate traps and firing from cover at the inevitable rape-gangs, gasoline banditos and anarchist cannibal hordes. In these serene, quiet moments, I realize that no one can ever starve to death in the woods (unlike you poor doomed urban folk, who will end up relying upon your own toejam for sustenance when civilization crumbles).
Like most of you, I spend the better part of the year planning elaborate Halloween festivities and proper pumpkin planning is a must. This year, it occurred to me that an adequately spooky origin will ensure a spooky Jack o' Lantern so I ventured, drunk as a monkey, to the spookiest spot I knew of in the woods on the night of the Solstice to plant my punkin seeds.
A week or two later, I returned to Spooky Spot to check on my young Jacks and they were growing nicely. I also spied an abundance of hitherto-unnoticed fruit trees and berries. There were blackberries (to be honest, these are everywhere), raspberries, a cherry tree, a pear tree, two (I thought) apple trees and an apricot tree absolutely covered in fruit, both ripe and not! I picked a few pounds of fresh apricots and made a mental note to return in another week or two. I also noted the many many deer tracks in the area.
This is where it gets strange and frustrating.
Frustrating: it's almost impossible to maintain the diligence it would take to beat the birds to the ripe raspberries and cherries. As soon as they ripen, they are eaten. Gah! I have yet to eat one ripe cherry or raspberry from the local woods.
The Strange:
When I returned to harvest the rest of the apricots, I found, to my astonishment and horror, EVERY @!$%#ING ONE WAS GONE!! The ripe, the unripe, the rotten ones on the ground....This tree is probably 25 feet high. What could do this?? Also, the fruits in one apple tree were almost ripe but the fruits in the other no longer appeared to be apples at all but some weird nutty thing about an inch in diameter.
The pears are doing nicely.
...and one of the pumpkin plants was chewed to the ground...deer tracks all around.
I also found an abundance of strange, thorny tomato-like plants. I took one home and potted it. It turned out to be a "Litchi Tomato", a delicacy according to some.
