WALT D

Now with 25% more adjectives and hyphens. 10% less give-a-@!$%#

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Member Since: 1/2006 Last Seen: 12/28/2011

BREAKING NEWS: Dr. Frank Fennel to run for President.

Tue May 17, 2011 2:25 AM EDT

politics, obama, republican, president, tea-party, democrat, conservative, ron-paul, campaign, romney, gingrich, libertarian, rubber-chicken, dr-frank-fennel

By Walt D

Dr. Frank Fennel

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"If we are all still alive after May 22nd, I'll take it as a sign from Jesus that America needs me now".

Dr. Frank was in a rare meditative state when our reporters caught up with him at RCPAC headquarters, "I am deeply spiritual and I'll leave it up to God Himself whether or not I should run..if He doesn't bring the Faithful up to the Heavens on a fiery pink cloud, I'll take it as a sign that I should be the next President of the United States. The ball's in your court, God!"

"Mike Huckabee can take orders from Jesus, so why shouldn't I?", explained Dr. Frank.

"Mitt Romney is an obvious commie who references horrific music. Gringrich is a philandering two-faced douchebag. Ron Paul wants to give free heroin to toddlers. So it's really down to me and Obama."

Frank pauses, as if to savor this fated moment,

"I'm a rubber chicken you can believe in".

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Public Discussion (37)

Walt D

"Corporate bribes are not only welcomed, but encouraged. I'm looking at you, Lionel Trains!"

7 votes

#1 - Tue May 17, 2011 3:14 AM EDT

Dennis P McCann

Having met Dr. Frank on several occasions, I can say that he's far more qualified than anyone the Republicans have. He may give Obama a run for his money.

7 votes

#2 - Tue May 17, 2011 6:06 AM EDT

Meloney

The field has been clearing for such a candidate. Just yesterday the GOP lost two hopefuls. The exit of Mike word-of-god huckster Huckabee leaves a vacuum this bird was destined to fill. Also The Donald feigned disappoint in fulfilling the popular demand for his presidency when he insisted the private sector needed him more. Who better than Dr Frank to strut to the front and flash his comb?

Though you can bet we won't all make it to 5/22 this chicken would be a strong contender in the all-important presidential campaign events for crossing the road and rubbernecking.

6 votes

#3 - Tue May 17, 2011 11:46 AM EDT

Viki Babbles Gonia

THRILLED! I'm so excited to hear about Dr. Frank's platform. I was going to lie down on the ground and await my judgement on Sunday, but now I am so filled with hope for the future.

9 votes

#4 - Tue May 17, 2011 2:51 PM EDT

Daniel A. Hallo

NPR end of the world....

5 votes

#5 - Tue May 17, 2011 3:17 PM EDT

Meloney

I'd like to get the reaction of some of Dr Frank's constituency. Perhaps we can get a scoop from Butki on the rubber duck community sentiment. You think the pink yard flamingo contingent will back Dr Frank? Maybe they'll go with the platic molded Romney instead.

4 votes

#6 - Tue May 17, 2011 3:17 PM EDT

Dennis P McCann

There's a pink flamingo in Afghanistan who was once Dr. Frank's traveling partner. I'm sure he'll get the flamingo vote.

6 votes

#6.1 - Tue May 17, 2011 3:45 PM EDT

Viki Babbles Gonia

I'm going to have to dig up the photos I took of Dr. Frank when he was visiting me a few years ago.

And yeah, I'm curious to know what Dr. Frank's platform will be.

4 votes

#6.2 - Wed May 18, 2011 12:31 AM EDT

Dennis P McCann

I'll bet it won't be a chicken in every pot....

6 votes

#6.3 - Wed May 18, 2011 12:41 AM EDT

Viki Babbles Gonia

Hahaha. Maybe it should be...

4 votes

#6.4 - Wed May 18, 2011 12:51 AM EDT

Scott (Scoop) Butki

definitely my favorite rubber chicken running for higher office

5 votes

#7 - Tue May 17, 2011 4:08 PM EDT

rottlady

I'm so glad to read that Dr Frank is thinking of running for office, now if he'll just stay on this side of the road and stay out of the frying pot!

6 votes

#8 - Tue May 17, 2011 5:12 PM EDT

fugitive247

On Friday I tweeted Michael Moore to ask if Ficus ready to return to the presidential campaign trail. No immediate response has been forthcoming from Mr. Moore. Still, if someone's got a lead on Ficus' whereabouts, we may have the dream candidate ticket if Ficus wants the VP spot.

2 votes

#9 - Tue May 17, 2011 7:07 PM EDT

jfxgillis

Fugitive

Maybe that fat slob of a pig@!$%#ing self-indulgent @!$%#er figured out that American presidential elections aren't jokes.

4 votes

#9.1 - Wed May 18, 2011 1:08 AM EDT

Viki Babbles Gonia

Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

2 votes

#9.2 - Wed May 18, 2011 1:15 AM EDT

jfxgillis

Viki:

You voted for Bush twice.

2 votes

#9.3 - Wed May 18, 2011 1:26 AM EDT

Viki Babbles Gonia

This is true. And your memory frightens me.

4 votes

#9.4 - Wed May 18, 2011 1:31 AM EDT

jfxgillis

Viki:

Was the Bush term of office a joke?

1 vote

#9.5 - Wed May 18, 2011 10:07 AM EDT

Viki Babbles Gonia

Though there have been untold numbers of jokes told about it, I don't think it was a joke itself, no. I think there were a lot of terrible things about it, absolutely.

4 votes

#9.6 - Wed May 18, 2011 10:58 AM EDT

jfxgillis

Viki:

That's why I'll never forgive Moore for what he did in the 2000 election. Ever.

1 vote

#9.7 - Wed May 18, 2011 11:17 AM EDT

Viki Babbles Gonia

Yeah.

In many ways, I think Moore was the precursor to our current news-as-entertainment culture. The picking and choosing of facts, and sometimes the skewing of them, to change people's minds and fool them into not thinking for themselves. I think he's really no better than those 9/11 conspiracy theorists who gather video "evidence" and create films out of it. They're constructing a version of the truth that fits what they've already decided is reality.

I don't know if Moore really had any affect on my voting decision in 2000.

3 votes

#9.8 - Wed May 18, 2011 11:28 AM EDT

jfxgillis

Viki:

Exactly wrong. All Moore did was utilize the tools of popular rhetoric to carry an important argument.

There's nothing wrong with his art and a whole lot right with it. He told not only important truths, but important truths that nobody else was telling.

I don't know if Moore really had any affect on my voting decision in 2000.

If he had, you would've voted for Nader. That was effectively the same as voting for Bush--minus the self-indulgent tantrum and the demeaning of the process.

1 vote

#9.9 - Wed May 18, 2011 12:10 PM EDT

Viki Babbles Gonia

So why won't you forgive him? I feel like I'm missing something here. Which is entirely likely.

3 votes

#9.10 - Wed May 18, 2011 11:16 PM EDT

jfxgillis

Viki:

It's the self-indulgence. He had a public responsibility, indeed, as an opinion leader and opinionmaker he had aduty, that he abdicated in favor of personal taste.

Which is why, btw, I don't have the same feelings about folks like you, in the middle who tipped one way rather than the other, or lisa or jazzman, on the right who see a public purpose in voting as they did.

2 votes

#9.11 - Thu May 19, 2011 6:50 AM EDT

Meloney

I don't blame the voters or those who offered alternatives. If the popular vote was to have installed the president in 2000 Gore woulda been it. It was the Supremes who installed their choice. Interesting that you still have a mad on for Moore on the basis of influencing that election. In keeping the grudge have you rejected his work or influence since that time?

I cast a Nader after it was clear IL was going Gore. Viki's Bush vote counted the same here.

2 votes

#9.12 - Thu May 19, 2011 10:26 AM EDT

jfxgillis

Meloney:

have you rejected his work or influence since that time?

I specifically said I didn't.

It's possible to be a fat slob of a self-indulgent @!$%# pic@!$%#er and still do good work.

I don't much care about individual votes, either yours or Viki's--or my own, for that matter. Public figures like Moore move blocs of votes both directly and indirectly, and set and contribute to the civil discourse surrounding the process. His responsibility is orders of magnitude greater than that of an individual voter.

1 vote

#9.13 - Thu May 19, 2011 10:42 AM EDT

Scott (Scoop) Butki

i'm now looking forward to the debates - i bet frank's "squawks" will be more intelligent and make more sense than comments from some of the other candidates. And unlike newt he hasn't, as far as i know, cheated on anyone (though he may have joined some newsviners in bed as they passed out at vinemeets but I'm pretty sure he was never married.)

We should all get ready for the big question, though: Can we provide both a birth certificate and proof he is a real doctor