The very first Election Year AoD will take place here, tonight at 9PM EST with a topic sure to cause dissent even among the ranks of the ideological teams..... The Candidates!

I am posting this in the morning so there's plenty of time for trashtalk but, please, save the real venom and cruelty for the actual match, lest you become spent and defenseless in the actual AoD and find yourself mercilessly savaged like a blind kitten in a hyena cage.

Here are the tentative team rosters:

War is in their blood.... They don't care about starving widows and orphans with no health care so they sure as hell don't care about YOU. They'll tear ya down like Reagan tore the wall! They're....

THE CONSERVATIVES!

Jack

Brandon

Otto

Bodhi

regbarc

wheel(?)

Their bleeding hearts are filled with indignant rage at their own impotence, which they'll now direct at your stormtrooper ass. All that patchouli and tree-hugging has made 'em crazy, I tell ya! They'll kick your ass and redistribute your wealth to drug addicts! They're....

THE LIBERALS!

Brenda

Pamela

Jonesgirl

Scott

These folks are so dangerous and crazy, they don't know what they are! They're...

THE OTHERS!

Myk

Jared Kardos

Brad

Orlando

Viki

These lunatics will kick your ass, destroy Western Civilization as we know it and then make themselves a sandwich. They're....

HIPPIE ANARCHISTS!

Celestina

Dennis

Djehuty

Be here at 9PM for a night that will live in Newsvine infamy!

It was bound to happen.

It's an election year and the political stakes are high. Tempers are short. Feelings are fragile. Panties are bunched.

Nowhere is this more apparent than on the pages of Newsvine. In the last few weeks there has been article after sniveling article complaining of persecution or political discrimination. Comments have been collapsed. People have been accused of being "trolls", of starting "flame wars", of consorting with "noah bradley". There is rage and general unrest here at the Vine...and, as the year progresses, it's only gonna get worse. Well, I, for one, say "Hells Yeah!!!"

Let's be honest, you desperately want to tell that obnoxious, drooling chowderhead of a Republican/ Democrat/ Libertarian/ conservative/ liberal/ Christian/ Muslim/ Atheist/ DennisMcCann, in no uncertain terms, that he/she is an ignorant myopic dumbass but, every time you try, Calvin Tang sneaks up behind you, wringing his hands and clucking like a distraught hen, effectively squashing all hope for healthy (and hilarious) verbal violence. .

Well, fear not, my hot-blooded friend, for I am here to tell you of a place where the CoH is a distant dream. Where bloodthirsty throngs cheer your every childish taunt and unwarranted insult. A hallowed, storied crucible of cruelty where the pitiful screams of the vanquished still echo off the entrail-spackled walls.

The time has come to resurrect the Arena of Death!!!!

For those new to the Vine, the Arena of Death (or AoD) is a sort of pressure-valve set up for our sick amusement as a healthy and fun alternative to mucking up NV threads with tedious flame wars. Here are some examples of past matches.

I propose that over the coming weeks and months, we form teams and debate all the hot topics like the belligerent snark-machines we are....one topic per match. Alternately, each side could pick its own champion to represent them. I have included a poll to choose the first topic. I say we schedule the first match for next Thursday, January 31st.

Note: The AoD is not a place for the weak of mind or thin of skin. Walt D and AoD officials are not responsible for hurt feelings, emasculations, intellectual annihilations, epic butt-whoopings or other injuries sustained in the Arena

This one has been a long time coming. The unspoken animosity between these two has smoldered like a cheap Swisher Sweet butt in a moldy stack of discarded William Gibson books. She has been perpetually sickened by his bleak nihilistic misanthropic worldview, calling him a "dark soul." You know who else had a dark soul? Yep....Hitler!!

He has called her a pathetic pollyanna peacenik princess (OK, maybe he didn't, but you can imagine it, can't ya?) and been offended by her being offended!

People, the gloves are off! Not since Obi-Wan and Darth squared off have we seen a more poignant battle between the forces of Dark and Light!

The time: 6:30 PM EST!!!

The place: Here!!!

Don't miss it!

You read that right...

It's Beauty versus the Beast!

It's verbosity versus Celestiniosity!

It's nihilism versus smile-ism!

After far too long an absense, the Arena of Death returns to pawn its painful pleasures on the perverse populace! This one promises to be a synapse-shredding, wit-wracking, cranial crotch-crushing Gourd Grater, as two of our esteemed Newsvine intellectuals abandon their brandy snifters and latte cups and take it to the ring in the ultimate test of cerebral sadism!

Our gladiators:

His trademark Jesus mane may be gone, but what he lost in hair, he gained in sheer nads! In a previous AoD match, he effectively argued a position he didn't believe in! He whips himself into an antithetic frenzy by listening to the most disturbing, depressing music he can find, then reads Dawkins to remind himself that there's nothing better! Personal insults? He sneers. Dismantle his logic? Just makes him angry....and you won't like him when he's angry! Posts more profanity in a single week than the entire Newsine community in a year. Christ, just look at his avatar! It's.....

MYKOLA BILOKONSKY!!!!

In the other corner....

Don't let her sweetness fool you.... This is no dainty Southern Belle! She'll outdrink ya! She'll out-think ya! Hell, she'll do 'em both at the same time! Those who have witnessed the rare occasions when she gets mad can attest: Hell truly hath no fury! She's one bad earth mama! She's a loaded trigger hippie! She may be pretty, but she'll get gritty! Gentlemen, gird your loins! It's.....

CELESTINA!!!

The time: Friday, August 3rd 7PM EST

Don't miss this one, folks! You'll rue the day!!!

Note: This match will not be posted publicly. It can be found by watching the arena-of-death tag or either of the AoD group pages

How many times have you laid awake at night, thinking to yourself, "I bet I would do great in the AoD. I'd have bloodthirsty throngs cheering my every verbal jab and cerebral parry. I'm just too nice a person. I've got no beefs with anyone. If only there was an AoD event I could enter and dazzle the screaming horde with my mental agility and wit! *sigh* Someday..."

Well, buck up, Little Camper, 'cause "someday" is now!

Many moons ago, a few extremely bored Viners kicked around the idea of a "Calvinball"-style AoD, a free-form, anything-goes arena where the rules can change on a whim. One could, for instance, suddenly find oneself in the "Pernicious Poem Place" and have to mock ones own thesis with a series of rhyming couplets (thanks, Killfile). Anything could happen and probably would.

This gem of an idea sat dormant, festering until just the right set of circumstances brought it back to life.

Enter the Drollhouse, an unwholesome band of cut-ups, troublemakers, curmudgeons, miscreants and wise-asses who somehow found each other and formed a group where we...uh..I mean they cook up all sorts of bizarre and silly ideas to amuse the general Newsvine population. A couple weeks back, several Drollhouse members were exploring the idea of sponsoring a group AoD and ...aaaaww, screw it - enough backstory! I'll cut to the chase:

ANNOUNCING THE ARENA OF DROLL!!!

What is it?

AoDroll is a collosal, stupendous come-one-come-all tournament spanning several columns Anyone can enter but only one can win (yeah...there'll be prizes). Forget the Superbowl... this is THE biggest sporting event of the Winter! Competitors will be forced to negotiate a gauntlet of mind-melting challenges in Arenas run according to the perverse, warped tastes of Drollhouse members like...

Noah Bradley

Ansab

Obleo

vicaxp

Mykola Bilokonsky

rwarner

Yours Truly

and more...

What are the rules?,

You won't know. I don't know! The rules and structure of each match will be determined by the individual host and can be revised, retracted or thrown out the window at any time. You may be initially asked to defend a political ideology using only 50's beatnick slang at the start of a match and find yourself explaining Gandalf's powers using quantum theory by the end.

What the...?!

You bet your ass "what the...!" This is not an event for the weak of heart, stomach or mind. Unlike the Arena of Death, the object here is not to humiliate your opponent, but to somehow field all these curveballs, sliders and spitters while demonstrating wit, humor, innovation and cognitive dexterity. Winners move on to the next match. Losers take 3 aspirin and think "thank Vishnu I don't have to go through that again!" Last gladiator standing gets the prize (to be announced once I figure out what it is).

Seriously, Walt, don't you have anything better to do?

Actually no. This event is also a fundraising project. It seems our little Ansab is growing up. He has become bored with shaving weasels and stalking Danes and started a school newspaper! Everybody loves Ansab! Now's the time to show your love by making a small donation to his publishery pursuits. He only needs another hundred bucks. Buy-in is suggested but not mandatory and spectators are also encouraged to donate. Ansab promises not to blow the money on Pygmie hookers.

Yes! Oh God, yes! Sign up now?

Whoa there, Bessie! You sure you got what it takes? You think you can last two seconds in this Arena without being reduced to the mental equivalent of tapioca pudding? Bring it on then! Sign up below.

(Disclaimer: Arena of Death is not representative of Newsvine in general. Newsvine is an intelligent, polite forum where we try to "get smarter" and respect each others views and opinions, no matter how much we disagree. The AoD exists as a strange alternate reality outside the Code of Honor. Forget all you are about to witness....)

Abandon Hope, Ye Who Enter Here.

I predict that this match will go one of two ways:

1) A quick and decisive victory by KO... one combatant prone and lifeless, the other barely out of breath.

2) The sort of grueling, 12-round, tooth-spitting, drag-out brawl we dream out about on sweaty nights after too many helpings of extra-spicy Thai curry.

I pray it is the latter.

Let's meet our combatants:

A formidable and merciless verbal marksman when he's having a good day, our first warrior seems to already be in a particularly black mood Could be bad for his opponent. The Clown of Catastrophe... The Mime of Mayhem...The Greasepainted Gargantuan Goblin of Gore and Grue...winsomecowboy!!!

His opponent...

Although new to the vine, our second gladiator is no stranger to combat. He's even assembled a private group of troublemakers and percieved trolls (God knows what goes on in there)! He's looking to treat winsome like a well-oiled altar boy in a CYO sauna! The Vicar of Violence.... The Pontiff of Pain....The Prepubescent-Petting Padre of Pulverization....Fr. Pat O'Phelia!!!

Our referee will once again be the lovely and talented Celestina.

Our Master-of-Ceremonies and commentator will be the slightly less lovely but equally talented Adam Hobson.

Match is scheduled for 9PM EST

Please arrive early to claim yourself as a voting spectator. Familiarize yourself with AoD rules here and here.

I'm posting this a few hours before the match to give everyone a chance to find it and to allow time for opening remarks from officials and gladiators. Public thread is for officiating, rounds of combat and voting ONLY. This will be moderated by the referee. Any extraneous commenting will be deleted. General spectator shenanigans are held in the Arena-of-Death group thread and official business in the Official-AoD thread. Please help to keep the AoD a smooth-running Engine of Pain.

Thank you.

Now, without further ado, here are your officials...

Adam Hobson and Celestina!

Great Googaley Moogaley! This one should be a bloodbath. .

Match is scheduled for 9PM EST, Tuesday Nov. 14th

MC and Commentator: Adam Hobson

Referee: Celestina

Structure:

Three threads plus chat windows.

Public thread: Actual rounds, voting and moderating only. This doesn't have to be in real time since time limits will be agreed upon by combatants.

Arena of Death group thread: Cheering, heckling, comments, asides from combatants and general merriment. Chat windows can handle real time shenanigans.

Official AoD group thread: Official AoD business - settling of disputes, rule changes and clarifications, etc. This might even be a private thread.

Rules and scoring:

1) Referee or moderator will introduce each combatant after which combatant has an opening statement. This statement is for purposes of boasting, taunting and introductory purposes only. Disputed subject shall not be discussed in these statements.

2) Voting spectators shall announce themselves in brief statements. Only announced spectators are eligible to vote. Preliminary heckling may be included in these announcements.

3) Referee will decide who goes first, presumably through coin toss or bribery. All others remain silent until match begins.

4) Each opponent has 6 minutes to post a comment, then a 3 minute rebuttal, alternately

5) Referee will announce voting at which time all voting spectators will weigh in. Votes are tallied and match resumes.

6) Steps 4 & 5 are repeated until a KO or TKO is declared or time limit expires.

7) Referee announces winner.

8) Thread deteriorates into gloating, whining and heckling.

RULES:
Each voting spectator awards points once after each round (see step 4). Points are awarded and tallied.Referee can contest points awarded according to discretion. Point values are as follows:

Irrefutable facts - 1 point

Dismantling of opponent's logic - 2 points

Genuinely witty snide comment - 3 points

Humiliating verbal or intellectual spanking - knock down

Devastating bazooka-like mind-bomd - KO

KNOCKOUTS:
KOs are decided by majority of votes. KOs can be overturned by referee.

3 rounds in a row to one combatant constitutes a TKO. 2 Knock downs constitute a TKO. TKOs cannot be disputed by ref as they are based on refs acknowledgement of previous scoring.

OTHER RULES: Any comments during actual match that are not part of event shall be deleted.
Referee's decisions are final.

Referee can stop or pause match at any time if just cause is given.

Is this acceptable to everyone?

Oh, Sweetest Fennel of all Sweet Fennel! Though our thirst for blood has gone unquenched for many months, it appears that the Gods of All Things Brutal have once again shown favor and blessed us with a new bloodmatch, with fresh and eager gladiators willing to drop all pretense of civility and spill their vital fluids and entrails for our amusement!

I'm still a little unclear on the details. I'm not even sure what precipitated this brutal Bacchanalia. I'm confident that this will be cleared up here. Use this page to keep up on scheduling, trash-talking, appointment of refs and MCs, etc.... you know the drill.

It's that time again. Time to separate the men from the boys - with a crowbar, if necessary. Leave behind any childish notions of mercy or compassion. It's Arena time!

Our gladiators:

The Menace from Maryland, a music fan lookin' to make a maraca of his opponent's skull and play a Samba of Shame....Shawn Gordon!

In the other corner...

A Mystery Man (meaning he has no bio for me to reference), an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a hankerin' to whoop some Gordon-butt...wolfger!

The topic this time....Censorship in the United States!

Let's hear a preview of the mayhem from our combatants IN THEIR OWN WORDS! First, the Enigmatic Assassin himself - wolfger:

Uhm. Uh. Sure. OK. Blood rage. I think I can manage that.

Whoa, Tiger! Save some of that fury for the match!

Now the Beltway Behemoth - Shawn Gordon:

I respect you too, but just as in martial arts, respect off the mat is far different than respect on the mat. I want you to do, say, show anything you can in any form you can to convince me that a certain degree of censorship is a horrible idea killing America and its youth. Make me bleed, and make me love it. My biggest challenge with you will be to state exactly how I feel without defeating my purpose... but I assure you... you'll bleed... UNTIL you like it.

Hmmmm...I'm not a Vegas oddsmaker, but...

Oh happy day! Yet another duo of quarrelers has volunteered to sacrifice their dignity, pride, yea their very blood for our amusement.

This time it's Shawn Gordon vs. wolfger. Shawn's been itchin' to try his hand in the Arena for some time now... subtly instigating arguments throughout the 'vine. Could it be he has bitten off more than he can chew?

I'm a little busy, so work out the details here and I will check in periodically. Arena vets (yar, Rukh, Mykola, Phaedrus, Celestina, Adam) feel free to assist.

This will probably be the last Arena of Death article in my column. I plan to start an account for AoD only. I was going to wait for group functionality to be developed but AoD has been taking a lot of my time and column space. The purpose of this article is twofold:

1) The AoD column will have a list of sanctioned refs and MCs. Anyone wishing to be considered for these glamorous positions should post their "resume" below. Be sure to include-

I am reposting this because the original thread was too huge to delete everything. We need a clean Arena to absorb the blood and entrails. Please refrain from posting comments here until 4PM EST. Of course Adam, Celestina and Miss Dev may post. Minimal introductory posts from Gladiators are acceptable if Celestina allows.

(Disclaimer: Arena of Death is not representative of Newsvine in general. Newsvine is an intelligent, polite forum where we try to "get smarter" and respect each others views and opinions, no matter how much we disagree. Now that I have THAT out of the way....)

YOU WANTED A DEATHMATCH?? YOU GOT A DEATHMATCH!!

The Gods of Carnage have indeed smiled on us, for this promises to be the most brutal event imaginable. Let's meet our Gladiators:

From "The Heart of Rock n Roll"...the great state of Ohio... He's a deep thinker who still knows his comic books. A true American dissenter, keeping us all honest. The Master of Meta. The Lord of Liberals. The Viceroy of Vonnegut....He can say "Your @ss is mine" in Japanese...

MYKOLA BILOKONSKY!!!
His opponent...

From Raleigh, North Carolina...a Southern intellectual with a tall can of frosty whoop@ss, just itchin' to be opened... Ridin' eighteen wheels of right-wing, Russian-lit readin' fury... The Hippie Pit Bull. The Conservative Crusher. One Baad Mother Trucker...

PHAEDRUS72!!!

The subject in dispute:
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY!

Lest you labor under the delusion that this match will be boring, let's let the combatants speak for themselves. Take it away, boys!

Phaedrus72:

Your arrogance is truly sickening. What makes you think I'm outmatched by the likes of you? You think a couple years of college makes you smarter than me? Remember, I've already been there and done that, and been around the world too. Got the t-shirt. Your mom was still wiping your ass when I finished college.

blockquote>
Mykola Bilokonsky:

I'm gonna drag Phaedrus into the ring, then proceed to stare at him until he nails himself to the wall for me, all the while quivering so badly he can hardly hold the hammer. That should take all of 30 seconds.

It's too bad the Arena will be too covered in Phaedrus-goo to be usable for a while.

Our referee again will be Celestina (and possibly Miss Dev). Special guest MC : Adam Hobson.
Match is scheduled from 7-11PM EST, Wednesday, June 21

And now some boring point-score stuff:

After introductions, match will proceed as follows:

3) Referee will decide who goes first, presumably through coin toss or bribery. All others remain silent until match begins.

4) Each opponent has 6 minutes to post a comment, then a 3 minute rebuttal, alternately

5) Referee will announce voting at which time all voting spectators will weigh in. Votes are tallied and match resumes.

6) Steps 4 & 5 are repeated until a KO or TKO is declared or time limit expires.

7) Referee announces winner.

8) Thread deteriorates into gloating, whining and heckling.

RULES: Each voting spectator awards points once after each round (see step 4). Points are awarded and tallied.Referee can contest points awarded according to discretion. Point values are as follows:

Irrefutable facts - 1 point

Dismantling of opponent's logic - 2 points

Genuinely witty snide comment - 3 points

Humiliating verbal or intellectual spanking - knock down

Devastating bazooka-like mind-bomb - KO

KNOCKOUTS: KOs are decided by majority of votes. KOs can be overturned by referee.

3 rounds in a row to one combatant constitutes a TKO. 2 Knock downs constitute a TKO. TKOs cannot be disputed by ref as they are based on refs acknowledgement of previous scoring.

OTHER RULES: Any comments during actual match that are not part of event shall be deleted. Referee's decisions are final.

Referee can stop or pause match at any time if just cause is given.

(Disclaimer: Arena of Death is not representative of Newsvine in general. Newsvine is an intelligent, polite forum where we try to "get smarter" and respect each others views and opinions, no matter how much we disagree. Now that I have THAT out of the way....)

YOU WANTED A DEATHMATCH?? YOU GOT A DEATHMATCH!!

The Gods of Carnage have indeed smiled on us, for this promises to be the most brutal event imaginable. Let's meet our Gladiators:

From "The Heart of Rock n Roll"...the great state of Ohio... He's a deep thinker who still knows his comic books. A true American dissenter, keeping us all honest. The Master of Meta. The Lord of Liberals. The Viceroy of Vonnegut....He can say "Your @ss is mine" in Japanese...

MYKOLA BILOKONSKY!!!

His opponent...

From Raleigh, North Carolina...a Southern intellectual with a tall can of frosty whoop@ss, just itchin' to be opened... Ridin' eighteen wheels of right-wing, Russian-lit readin' fury... The Hippie Pit Bull. The Conservative Crusher. One Baad Mother Trucker...

PHAEDRUS72!!!

The subject in dispute:

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY!

Lest you labor under the delusion that this match will be boring, let's let the combatants speak for themselves. Take it away, boys!

Phaedrus72:

Your arrogance is truly sickening. What makes you think I'm outmatched by the likes of you? You think a couple years of college makes you smarter than me? Remember, I've already been there and done that, and been around the world too. Got the t-shirt. Your mom was still wiping your ass when I finished college.

Im quite sure you have Lenin and Stalin posters hanging in your dorm room, don't you? You know you do, right along side your Kurt Vonnegut blow up doll.

Mykola Bilokonsky:

I'm gonna drag Phaedrus into the ring, then proceed to stare at him until he nails himself to the wall for me, all the while quivering so badly he can hardly hold the hammer. That should take all of 30 seconds.

It's too bad the Arena will be too covered in Phaedrus-goo to be usable for a while.

Our referee again will be Celestina (and possibly Miss Dev). Special guest MC : Adam Hobson.

Match is scheduled from 7-11PM EST, Wednesday, June 21

And now some boring point-score stuff:

After introductions, match will proceed as follows:

3) Referee will decide who goes first, presumably through coin toss or bribery. All others remain silent until match begins.

4) Each opponent has 6 minutes to post a comment, then a 3 minute rebuttal, alternately

5) Referee will announce voting at which time all voting spectators will weigh in. Votes are tallied and match resumes.

6) Steps 4 & 5 are repeated until a KO or TKO is declared or time limit expires.

7) Referee announces winner.

8) Thread deteriorates into gloating, whining and heckling.

RULES: Each voting spectator awards points once after each round (see step 4). Points are awarded and tallied.Referee can contest points awarded according to discretion. Point values are as follows:

Irrefutable facts - 1 point

Dismantling of opponent's logic - 2 points

Genuinely witty snide comment - 3 points

Humiliating verbal or intellectual spanking - knock down

Devastating bazooka-like mind-bomb - KO

KNOCKOUTS: KOs are decided by majority of votes. KOs can be overturned by referee.

3 rounds in a row to one combatant constitutes a TKO. 2 Knock downs constitute a TKO. TKOs cannot be disputed by ref as they are based on refs acknowledgement of previous scoring.

OTHER RULES: Any comments during actual match that are not part of event shall be deleted. Referee's decisions are final.

Referee can stop or pause match at any time if just cause is given.

See you there, everybody!

Ladies and Gentlemen - it's that time at last. The gauntlet-throwing, taunting and other preliminaries are behind us. Our brave gladiators wait in the wings. They ask no quarter, they hold no quarter. The very first Arena of Death match begins shortly.

It's Rukh vs. yar. The subject - Creation. So without further ado.....

What Hath Got Rot???

Drop whatever you're doing, don your togas or post-apacolyptic Road Warrior gear and abandon all pretense of civilization - the very first Arena of Death match is upon us! This match will take place on Monday June 19 from 8AM to Noon PST. It will be an extended match with no time limit on rounds or voting, but please try to speed it along so as not to prolong the agony of the defeated. Miss Dev, Celestina and Aine McDermot are all invited to referee. In the event none of them are available, I will officiate (I'd rather be a voting spectator - it is inappropriate for the referee to heckle).

Our brave combatants are:

You know him. You love him. You can't learn about religion without him....

It's YAR!!!

and....

RUKH!!!

The topic in dispute will be CREATION.

Sign up here or come early to claim yourself as voting spectator or just drop in anytime to enjoy the spectacle... it's bound to be a good match. Be sure to watchlist arena-of-death for more information.

So it's a Deathmatch ye be wantin'....yer uptown girls and fancy liquor ain't good enough fer ye no more...

If you haven't yet, I suggest you read THE ARENA OF DEATH before reading this article.

FORMAT:

AoD matches will proceed in the following manner - A brief introduction presenting the combatants, the subject matter to be disputed and the length of the match will be posted in the article section of the post. The match will then take place in the thread section in this sequence:

1) Referee or moderator will introduce each combatant after which combatant has an opening statement. This statement is for purposes of boasting, taunting and introductory purposes only. Disputed subject shall not be discussed in these statements.

2) Voting spectators shall announce themselves in brief statements. Only announced spectators are eligible to vote. Preliminary heckling may be included in these announcements.

3) Referee will decide who goes first, presumably through coin toss or bribery. All others remain silent until match begins.

4) Each opponent has 6 minutes to post a comment, then a 3 minute rebuttal, alternately

5) Referee will announce voting at which time all voting spectators will weigh in. Votes are tallied and match resumes.

6) Steps 4 & 5 are repeated until a KO or TKO is declared or time limit expires.

7) Referee announces winner.

8) Thread deteriorates into gloating, whining and heckling.

RULES:

Each voting spectator awards points once after each round (see step 4). Points are awarded and tallied.Referee can contest points awarded according to discretion. Point values are as follows:

Irrefutable facts - 1 point

Dismantling of opponent's logic - 2 points

Genuinely witty snide comment - 3 points

Humiliating verbal or intellectual spanking - knock down

Devastating bazooka-like mind-bomd - KO

KNOCKOUTS:

KOs are decided by majority of votes. KOs can be overturned by referee.

3 rounds in a row to one combatant constitutes a TKO. 2 Knock downs constitute a TKO. TKOs cannot be disputed by ref as they are based on refs acknowledgement of previous scoring.

OTHER RULES: Any comments during actual match that are not part of event shall be deleted.

Referee's decisions are final.

Referee can stop or pause match at any time if just cause is given.

If any voting spectator leaves match or ceases to vote, all previous votes by the squeamish scum shall be erased.

If a combatant fails to post within time limit, he/she forfeits round.

Okay...there's your basic rules. Let me know what you think.

While reading a current thread, which I watched slowly and inevitably dissolve into pointless and vindictive bickering between two commenters, I was reminded of the many times this has happened to my threads, as I'm sure it has happened to most of you. Having just test-driven the new chat lobby, I was suddenly struck with an idea so simple, so perfect, so ingenious (even by my standards), that I would be doing us all a disservice by not sharing.

From this point on, all of my threads will offer commenters access to a feature that is guaranteed to stop thread-jacking by small groups of quarrellers. That's right, kiddies...it's Walt D.'s Arena of Death!

WHAT IS THE ARENA OF DEATH?

A perverse and unholy co-mingling of the new chat lobby and the Tangle project, the Arena will provide a forum for bickerers to have it out, once and for all, without ruining the thread for civil and conscientious commenters who are trying to "get smarter". The feuding parties will exit the thread, enter the chatroom (arena) and go at it like toothless rednecks fightin' over a cousin on Jerry Springer. Anyone wishing to heckle, prompt or just enjoy the carnage is welcome to follow. If Tangle is a professional heavyweight bout, A. O. D. is a quick and bloody brawl at 2AM in the back alley of a strip joint.

WOW! SOUNDS GREAT, WALT! HOW DOES IT WORK?

Glad you asked. At such time as I decide two commenters have monopolized a thread to the point that no one else is enjoying it, I will suggest the arguers settle their dispute in The Arena. They will choose a time-limit (say 10 to 30 minutes). If they can't even come to agreement on this, Walt D. himself will designate the time-limit. At the end of the time-limit, if neither party concedes defeat, winner will be decided by consensus. If no spectators are present, Walt decides. All decisions are final. Bickerers are readmitted to the thread where their ordeal shall not be spoken of again.

WHAT ARE THE RULES?

Rules are for the weak! However, if a combatant strays from the subject in dispute, he/she loses by default. Other than that (and the Newsvine Code, which is absolute) anything goes. Tip: time is short in the Arena, so researching and proofreading is not recommended - your mind must be quick and your Kung Fu strong!

GOSH WALT! YOU"RE DREAMY!

Aw shucks! Sorry, ladies (and I'm sure..some of you guys), I'm taken.

BUT WAIT...HAVEN"T YOUR LAST COUPLE OF ARTICLES BEEN BORING MOVIE REVIEWS AND ORGANIC RECIPES OR SOMETHING?

Ya thought I was gonna do that forever? Nope. I'm just resting up in anticipation of writing some vintage Walt D. crowd-pleasers (choke). ...And when I do - this I vow- my threads shall not be jacked. For if you do, it's the Arena for you!

Disclaimer: Walt D. is not responsible for any injuries, humiliations or hurt feelings incurred in arena.